Christmas Part Deux: Getting in the Spirit (not Spirits, that's next week)

Raise your hand if your holiday calendar gets crazier by the minute and some how increases exponentially each year. That was a trick and you fell for it- you can't raise your hand as you are most likely too busy juggling all of your side projects. I know the feeling. This week I made a good old fashioned "to do" list (on a fancy app on my smart phone.... the old fashioned way). I went out shopping intending to tick off the items on my list, but inexplicably the list kept multiplying and became much longer by the end of the night. The point is, the craziness of my holiday schedule is a beast of my own making. Do I have to find the right sized gift to save my wallet and still not leave anyone out on my kids' sketchy list of 25 school staffers that they "see every day?" Should I put a personal touch on my Christmas cards by attaching an end of year family news letter to send hand addressed to 50 people? Do I really need to rummage through my craft cupboard for new inspiration every year to stay on budget and still have the kids participate in gifting? The simple answer is no. But some of the things that add to the chaos of it are part of what make the season so cheery for me and mine- in fact, these are some of the things that make it a season at all.  So here are some of the crafty projects the goon squad and I have enjoyed in recent years and the sound track I torture them with as we paint, glue, hammer and cry.

Decorations

It's hard to get in the holiday mindset without the right environment. This is where I get super old school. The tree goes up the weekend after Thanksgiving and stays up until the weekend after New Years. Every tree needs frosting- you might be one of those people who like a traditional, schemed or themed tree.... and there is nothing wrong with that. Some of those looks can be very elegant.

There are a variety of colors, both tree and ornament to do something new every year. To my way of thinking, though, this seems very cookie-cutter and Better Homes & Gardens. I come from the hodge-podge school of tree decorating. Nothing matches, no mass produced box sets, sticky kid finger prints on everything. The goons and I have been collecting a few ornaments a year since they were but a gleam in my eye. We now have a few hundred. Combine that with the 200 family ornaments from my own childhood I just "inherited" from my father (who no longer wants to store them), and the only color we don't see on the tree anymore is green. From the ones collected on our world travels, the Harry Potter characters I hand painted, the Christmas armadillo found in a country store, Henrietta the tree chicken, the art glass from my mother, my daughter's Christmas pickles or my son's blown glass Batman, this tree has a multitude of personality... or multiple personalities.

 

We also  recently acquired my childhood Santa collection from my father... and with not much surface space decided to create a Game of Thrones Night's Watch diorama. A new tradition in the making. It's great having the throwback decorations, but we've found a way to enjoy them while making them our own.



"Taking the [red]."

When I was a kid, we got Steinbach nutcrackers on a trip to Germany- mine was a chimney  sweep. I bought one for each of us as I had my own family at Target of all places. Steinbachs may be mass produced now, but they still have charm and nostalgia. And it just isn't Christmas without our knitted personalized stockings hanging with care... 



 

 

Crafts







One of our favorite Christmas ( or anytime) project

Who doesn't love gnomes? This time of year they prefer to be called elves, fyi. So simple to make- felt, wooden pegs and glue. If you really want to get fancy googly eyes, buttons, beards and razzle dazzle... but gnomes are a simple folk. These little guys are great for ornaments, little Christmas towns, home made gift sets, stocking stuffers- their charm never wears off.

 

 

Refrigerator Jewels

These are super easy and cute gifts the goon squad made and gave out last year. We spray painted old jar lids we saved up and applied self adhesive magnets to the backs. The kids decorated the front with bright and colorful jewels, but there are a ton of other things like seashells, sequins, buttons, glow-in-the-dark stars, etc. that would work for this project. Et viola- Refrigerator Jewels!

Face prints are creepy, but pretty much every other kind of print is keepsake material.

 There is a treasure trove of online inspiration for every kind of print craft under the sun. In my humble opinion, these kinds of crafts are only really cute up to  a certain age- no one wants a card with your ten year old's foot print on it. Age two is probably a good age to stop wiggling those adorable little tooties in paint- but hand prints and finger prints have a much longer shelf life.

 

                                                                                 

Buttons are something we haven't worked with much, but like the finger/foot/hand prints, they have so many creative applications and aren't just for kids. Buttons have the hallmarks of a great holiday craft: fancy or whimsical, available in mass quantities, fun, appropriate for all ages and easy to replicate:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                              Music

The  debate: Christmas music-  yay or nay? You may be a heartless, Scrooge of a bah- humbug and detest the songs that make the Season bright, or you may be a festive-holic, waiting all year for that minute, three weeks before Thanksgiving, when the dulcet tones hit the airwaves again- the earlier the better, you say. Or you may be like me- festive and joyous for one month a year, throwing in whole-heartedly until the week after New Year’s. One thing I feel is woefully missing from my monthly festivities is Adult Christmas caroling- and by that I mean Bridget Jones style drunken belting out and butchering of the best holiday songs in a crowded dive bar with a circle of your equally drunk and fearless friends. It’s only  once a year- tis the season not to judge.

I don't particularly find Justin Beiber to be super festive, but that is just my taste. There is probably some teenager reading this list thinking "Who is Frank Sinatra?"  There is however, a lot of interesting new Christmas music worth taking a listen to. Obviously everyone’s list is going to be different, but one of the benefits to having parents with a large age gap is the broad range of music I was subjected- I mean, exposed- to. These would be the top 20 songs on my Christmas Karaoke wish list/Festive Playlist.

Pop Christmas

 Mariah Carey- All I Want for Christmas is You

Darlene Love- Christmas (Baby Please come Home)

Wham or Taylor Swift- Last Christmas

 

John Lennon- Happy Christmas

Leann Rhymes- All I want For Christmas- completely different song than Mariah Carey

Adam Sandler- The Chanukah Song- including updated versions

Sarah McLachlan- River (pretty much any song on her holiday album)

Classic Christmas

 

Bing Crosby- Do You Hear What I Wear?

Transsiberian Orchestra- Carol of the Bells

Andy Williams- O Holy Night

Manheim Steamroller- pretty much anything

 Golden Christmas Oldies

 

Nat King Cole- The Christmas Song

 

Frank Sinatra- Christmas Waltz  (best song of Christmas). She & Him also have a great rendition

The Carpenters- I’ll Be Home for Christmas

Nat King Cole- O Tannenbaum

Perry Como- Home for the Holidays

Songs the inner Child in me still giggles at:

 Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

 We Three Kings

Jingle Bells, Batman Smells

Dominic the Donkey

It may be masochistic and nutty to try to DIY the holidays, but also cathartic and slightly productive- made more enjoyable accompanied by the right tunes.

 

 

Christmas Part 1: Plan, budget, gift

It's that time of year that we all look forward to from about July on... until it arrives and we remember

all of the stress, panicking and planning that goes into pulling it off.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the holiday season isn't magical. I still share the excitement my children have on Christmas morning- in fact, last year I had to wake them up as I could no longer contain it and the hour was rounding on 8 am. Seriously, what kind of kid sleeps in on Christmas?!? (The ridiculous kind.)

It's just that now, I'm also kind of a grown up. I've seen behind the curtain, if you will. I know every support beam and scaffold that goes into holding up that holiday magic.

Unless you have a mint in your basement or  multiplatinum album sales, you're probably somewhat like me in that the holidays take some forethought.

First step: Budget

 Magic number. Plan ahead for how much you want to spend in total on presents. Make sure to fluff that a little bit- you may get invited to a party or two and it's poor form to show up empty-handed.  The tricky part is when you might receive a nicer present than you gave. Resist the guilt or the urge to run out and buy something better. Remember, it's the thought that counts, so as long as you put a good amount of care into gift selection, don't feel badly. Knowing your number well ahead of time gives you plenty of time to get creative and be thoughtful. Budgets are made for a reason- and in this case bear in mind that presents are only one part of the spending smorgasbord.

Make a list and check it twice. When planning your holiday gift list it's a good idea to write down everyone you plan to spend on, arraigned from highest to lowest. Relax- this isn't a Sophie's Choice moment. Said plainly, ranking your friends/family/acquaintances sounds mercenary. But I obvi plan to spend more on my kids than on their teachers, for example, and I still need to figure that into my magic number. Check that list twice to see if it can reasonably be whittled down at all.

Plan of attack. You may be a Black Friday shopper, or you may be like me and space your shopping out over the year. If you are one of those ambitious dark day shoppers, I can only suggest shopping with  a clear purpose and planned route. Ironically, despite what my soccer league and Trivial Pursuit friends might tell you, I am neither aggressive enough, nor competitive enough for Black Friday.

I find that it's easier for me to shop in increments when I may have an abundance. This tactic really only works for the people I know best, my family and besties, but if you are out and see a great sale on something that would make a great teacher/neighbor gift grab it and clear out some closet space to store it. Actually, I keep a big Rubbermaid tub in my closet to keep things away from prying eyes.

Catalogue. I use my fancy camera phone to take pictures of the things I see my kids noticing during the year, as well as a fun post-it note app to keep a running list I can refer back to. This method and of course Pinterest are  great ways to store fantastic DIY gift ideas. DIY still requires dough.

Phase Two: Gift Etiquette



Use full disclosure. This applies to a few scenarios.

                 - Your loved ones usually give you something but this year might be tight for you.

It is perfectly acceptable to let them know early on that you wish you could reciprocate, but as you cannot a card (not gift card) is plenty. If they give you a gift anyway, simply accept it graciously and say thank you.

 
                - Your values have changed as you've matured.

Maybe this is a good time to suggest everyone going in on some shared experience rather than a gift giving extravaganza. A family vacation perhaps. This one I have personally experienced as I watched my kids give unused toys to Good Will year after year. I politely asked my friends and family to stop buying them things and instead either purchase tickets to something or put money in their personal accounts to be used for activities like soccer or Cub Scouts- which I make sure to have the kids thank them for. The added bonus is that it really cut down on some of the clutter in my house too.



Your list has gotten out of hand. It happens. My former husband was one of eight kids and had fifteen nieces and nephews. Also, your friends keep getting married and spawning. It's great. Your kids now have built in playmates while you're gossiping and sipping cocktails, but then Christmas rolls in and suddenly 12 new names have been added. And you started a new job in a fantastically close knit office... of 30 people.

Unless everyone is okay with their choice of Top Ramen with a bow on top, it becomes too big to accommodate. Enter Secret Santa or White Elephant. It depends on if the group prefers to be more thoughtful or cheeky, but either way it's a fun way to set a limit. I once received a great set of lawn aerating shoes via White Elephant, which I promptly re-gifted to someone who loved them. Killed two birds with one stone. Sorry I'm not sorry.

 For your closer circle, a family gift may be the way to go- still doing something above noodles, but keeping within reason.

If you still want to check everyone off the list do something token that you can get in bulk
(journals and calendars are great for this) or something homemade. I am a maven of DIY gifts. Personalized fleece blankets, Christmas ornaments, decorative cookie plates and so on. You can spend on effort and save on cash. Win, win.

Article Three: Kids and Gifts

I mentioned the grotesque ritual of watching the goon squad bag up gifts they'd barely played with to make room for the new. It actually used to fill me with a sense of dread, on Christmas, seeing the various things they'd receive and envisioning the bag, because along with the bag came a careless attitude about a conveyor belt world that constantly brings new things.

For the life of me I cannot figure out where the lack of values has come from. My kids have chores, hear the word "no" so often they can sing along, write "thank you'' and apology notes. I have been described as an old school parent- you know that old adage about fearing your Irish mother. But still this is a particularly ugly problem in my house.

So I devised some steps to build up their value system:

1. I asked my circle to stop feeding the beast, as mentioned above. I found that my kids and I love having their seasonal extracurriculars sponsored. I think we all appreciate it more and it makes it fun for my kids to update their benefactors with professional reports. Everyone feels included and valued.

2. I have a formula for giving gifts to my kids: one thing to play with, one thing to read, one thing to wear. This goes for wrapped presents on Christmas and birthdays now too. They still get a stocking of token items on Christmas morning (usually a Toblerone and jar of Nutella- see Christmas Part 3) and a movie on Christmas Eve per our ritual (tune back in for Christmas Part 4).

3. Scale back Santa. The big gift comes from Mom, the back up singers come from Santa. My kids go to a richly diverse school- quite a few of their friends are lower income. It is hard to explain to little kids why Santa gave one kid an Xbox and their classmate a ball and paddle. Giving your kids a nice gift is fine- but it should come from you. Additionally, Santa's gift figures in with rule #2.

4. Giving is more important than receiving. When I was in second grade I remember being invited to my friend's birthday party and I didn't know what to get for her... and my parents wouldn't help me pick. I whined and complained for a while and my mom finally told me to pick out something I'd want to receive. Back then it was Treasure Trolls.

I was so excited to buy one, but then I had to give it away. That was a new kind of masochistic torture in my formative years, but my friend loved the gift. I never forgot that lesson. And I still love trolls.

The point is my kids have to give presents to other people, not simply receive. In that vein they:

     - pick out a toy each for Toys for Tots, that comes with a long discussion about how fortunate we are to be able to give to others.

     - pick from a preapproved/prepurchased selection for something to give to each other and me- it helps them get excited about seeing someone else receiving the fruit of their efforts

     - hand-make bookmarks or ornaments or something of that nature for their own Christmas gift giving list. They receive a lot of presents from our circle and it is important that they reciprocate. If they don't make a craft, they at least decorate a handmade, personal thank you note for the items they've been given.



With enough planning and patience it's easy to walk the delicate line between excitement and order. Now that  I have seen Oz and become the wizard, knowing where the magic comes from  doesn't make it any less magical.

As the big day gets closer I thought this was the most practical foot to start on. But for the rest of the month I will be dissecting the components of an epic Christmas.

Please keep an eye out for:
Christmas Part 2: Getting in the Spirit. I will go through crafts, decorations and playlist.
Christmas Part 3: The Flavor of Christmas. I will share some of my favorite holiday meals and recipes
Christmas Part 4: Traditions and Rituals- pretty self explanatory.

Living with Gratitude

                                              
"Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse."
~ Henry Van Dyke



Last week was a quiet Thanksgiving for me and the goon squad. There was no real effort expended, no pomp, no circumstance.  I had intended to post a long, cliché list of the things in my life for which I am grateful, but that led me to thinking about walking the walk versus talking the talk.



In talking to several of my friends, logging on to social media and reading the news last week suddenly it seemed overpowering how difficult this season can be for so many. Maybe it's just that I am oblivious or have been unreasonably lucky, but I thought about facing this time of year under many of the circumstances  that crossed my path last week and being thankful had a much deeper meaning to me. So while I could simply list and pay lip service to the blessings in my life, I think it is more important to find a way to live in a way that expresses my gratitude.


I went through a very dark time myself a number of years ago as I was building a life for myself and my two babies after a rough divorce. It seemed like every time I turned around there was some new crisis popping up and knocking the wind out of me. It took me a little while but I worked on implementing coping strategies in my life and shock of all shocks- they worked. So take it for what it's worth, but living in a perpetual state of gratitude is how my dark days turned sunny:


1. Take time each day to say out loud (even if only to yourself) 3 things you are grateful for. This was the first step I took. One of the many nights I was awake in the wee hours wondering how I  was going to make ends meet, I looked around and took stock. I was pregnant and healthy, my 7 month old daughter was thriving and I lived in a beautiful place (San Diego, not my horrid apartment).  The next day, it was the ability to keep my holiday traditions and begin new ones with my growing family. And so on every day until I was more focused on what I had than what I didn't.


2. Use broader perspective when assessing "problems." In other words, look at the big picture. Each time I had a catastrophe in the early years, I thought it was the end of the world and couldn't see a way out. Sleepless nights and frantic phone calls became a way of life. It took a few months, but I realized a pattern- things kept working out. And that is a fundamental truth in life- things will always work out, maybe not in the way that's hoped for or expected, but then you can...


3. Adapt and keep moving. Don't let the speed bumps stop you in your tracks. Life goes on. Cliché, cliché, cliché.... but truth. One last cliché- don't dwell in the past. Even if the past was yesterday. Wallow quickly, then move on.
4. Clear your head. Every time I get bad news now- the kind that will cost me quality pillow time or send me on a crying jag- the first thing I do is go find the most important people in my world (the goon squad) and we go do something cheerful- IMMEDIATELY. I was unexpectedly downsized a couple of years ago before my kids were school age. I pulled them out of daycare and we went whale watching (for one day only, I'm not a Rockefeller). It put me in a better frame of mind to deal with the drama. Act, don't react. With that cooler, calmer head I found that I had an easier time figuring out how to get myself out of the tough spots I sometimes found myself in.


5. Don't try to be an island. I often joke that I am a lone wolf, or an island.... or an island with a lone wolf living on it. But that's not really true. I have great friends... and a family. It's ok to ask for help and reach out to your support system. Chances are good, that if asked nicely, someone will help.


6. Express thanks to those who do help- either with old fashioned thank you notes (a dying art form) or with a reciprocal gesture. People like to feel appreciated. Period.


7. Celebrate even small victories. My dad always told me that if you celebrate everything, the ceremony and joy of it loses meaning and it's not special. While I agree with that idea in reference to kindergarten graduations and elementary school dances- I do not agree when talking about personal victories. There is nothing wrong with being joyful and spreading that cheer to others. Involving others in your happiness- especially if they were instrumental in your achievement- makes the joy richer.



9. Pick 2 charities and give. You can obviously pick as many causes as you want, but for me I find that my bleeding heart would bankrupt my family. There are so many less fortunate people than myself, but I can't support them all. And damn it, Sarah McLauchlin, I would run a giant pet rescue if I could- we all would, you've made your point. My two are organizations that work for sick children and orphaned baby elephants (because I defy anyone to say no to that kind of cute emotional blackmail). That said my kids and I still do Toys for Tots every year- I've broken my own rule.

9. Volunteer. This one is twofold. First- it does the heart good to get involved and give back. Coaching peewee soccer is the absolute best part of my week. If you have kids, check into the organizations they are involved in- chances are they need hands on deck more than they need a donation. And when you were a kid involved in these activities that enriched your childhood someone else donated their time to you.  If you don't have kids, Sarah McLauchlin would still like you to know that there are animals in shelters that may need walking or fostering.  Second- it helps with building your own community ties and support structure.

10. Pursue your passions. "Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving."-    W.T. Purkiser  To me, it is extremely important to use our gifts and talents for good.... and simply use them at all. If painting, singing, creating high fashion designs out of rubberbands or fly fishing in the Adirondacks make you happy, but you never do it, what good is it? This is even more true if it's a talent that can be shared with others- either by selling/gifting your work or teaching others.

11. Keep complaining to a minimum. This is one I am embarrassed to admit takes the most work. I am a naturally snarky person- note my Sarah McLauchlin comments. There is a difference between being witty and being a downer. I saw a sign on the highway once that said "Be a fountain, not a drain." That really stuck with me and is something I strive, stumble on and then strive again for.


12. Random acts of kindness are good for the soul. My daughter, now 7, didn't so much as take a sip if her water one night while we were out dining.  My friend suggested just pouring the water in the bay and getting on our way, but it was one of the hottest days of the year. There were a number of homeless people around, so my daughter and I tried to offer it to one of them. We got 3 "no, thank you's" but the fourth man lit up like he had been handed a present. It was literally just "gently used" water. But that was the moment my kid caught the bug- every time she sees a homeless person now she has a snack or bottle of water ready... and if not, she asks me to buy a meal and I usually do. It's great both seeing her charitable soul and seeing the impact it has when offered.




Living graciously is not an exact science, nor is it always easy, but I find that I end up feeling better about myself and my life when employing any combination of these strategies. I'm no guru though, so if all else fails, the Golden Rule is a great rule of thumb. And if that still seems hard, fake it until you make it. You will eventually make it.
                           


                                 

Blast off

Hello Fellow Internuts,

I have finally jumped on the wagon- or maybe fallen off of one- and have decided to blog. Why should you care, you may be asking yourself.  Simply put, at this point you shouldn't. Mine is but one tiny star in the greater universe of blogs (please read that as theatrically as I did while writing it- hand gestures are encouraged).

Here's the thing though- let me win you over. From raising my two rotten kids (the goon squad, as I like to call them), to working towards my degree, or just working, I plan to open up my life and share... and I hope you find it worthy of your time.

 

I am a single mom to two horrible cretins, one fluffy yellow dog and a surly turtle.

                                        (This is a family photo- I'm the one with 3 mouths)
I spend a lot of time doing things with my kids- a lot. That doesn't mean that I am a helicopter parent- you know the type, the ones that make the rest of us look bad because we're fly-by-the -seat-of-our-pajamajeans-because-we-couldn't-find-our-work-pants-in-the-mountain-of -unfolded-and-possibly-dirty-clothes.... I completely just lost my train of thought. I may need to do laundry. My point is,  while I do things with my kids, like coach their soccer teams or lead their Boy Scouts, I don't do everything for my kids. I'm trying to wean them off my apron strings by the time they graduate. But this is a blog for another day.

Anyway, in my free time I like to.... sorry, I couldn't out right lie to you. I'm a full time working mom, in college and "Soccer-Scouting." The last time I had free time was when my mom gave me a watch for my birthday.

I mentioned college. That's a big one. I am about to earn my Associates Degree and transfer to upper division after 13 years of taking classes on and off. I'm sure the transition will provide many a bloggable anecdote as I've already had two nightmares this week about the process. An AA may not seem like much to most, but I plan to celebrate this little win because there was a day I wasn't sure was it ever going to arrive. But come next Spring, I'll be half way to my BA and then who knows... (If only I could get the same positive results with on again, off again dieting and exercise).

So that's the super-duper condensed version of the Life and Times of Cate, 2015 edition. I don't want to scare you off too soon with insane ramblings. You're welcome.

                                              Stay tuned- great things to come!!