Christmas Part 1: Plan, budget, gift

It's that time of year that we all look forward to from about July on... until it arrives and we remember

all of the stress, panicking and planning that goes into pulling it off.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the holiday season isn't magical. I still share the excitement my children have on Christmas morning- in fact, last year I had to wake them up as I could no longer contain it and the hour was rounding on 8 am. Seriously, what kind of kid sleeps in on Christmas?!? (The ridiculous kind.)

It's just that now, I'm also kind of a grown up. I've seen behind the curtain, if you will. I know every support beam and scaffold that goes into holding up that holiday magic.

Unless you have a mint in your basement or  multiplatinum album sales, you're probably somewhat like me in that the holidays take some forethought.

First step: Budget

 Magic number. Plan ahead for how much you want to spend in total on presents. Make sure to fluff that a little bit- you may get invited to a party or two and it's poor form to show up empty-handed.  The tricky part is when you might receive a nicer present than you gave. Resist the guilt or the urge to run out and buy something better. Remember, it's the thought that counts, so as long as you put a good amount of care into gift selection, don't feel badly. Knowing your number well ahead of time gives you plenty of time to get creative and be thoughtful. Budgets are made for a reason- and in this case bear in mind that presents are only one part of the spending smorgasbord.

Make a list and check it twice. When planning your holiday gift list it's a good idea to write down everyone you plan to spend on, arraigned from highest to lowest. Relax- this isn't a Sophie's Choice moment. Said plainly, ranking your friends/family/acquaintances sounds mercenary. But I obvi plan to spend more on my kids than on their teachers, for example, and I still need to figure that into my magic number. Check that list twice to see if it can reasonably be whittled down at all.

Plan of attack. You may be a Black Friday shopper, or you may be like me and space your shopping out over the year. If you are one of those ambitious dark day shoppers, I can only suggest shopping with  a clear purpose and planned route. Ironically, despite what my soccer league and Trivial Pursuit friends might tell you, I am neither aggressive enough, nor competitive enough for Black Friday.

I find that it's easier for me to shop in increments when I may have an abundance. This tactic really only works for the people I know best, my family and besties, but if you are out and see a great sale on something that would make a great teacher/neighbor gift grab it and clear out some closet space to store it. Actually, I keep a big Rubbermaid tub in my closet to keep things away from prying eyes.

Catalogue. I use my fancy camera phone to take pictures of the things I see my kids noticing during the year, as well as a fun post-it note app to keep a running list I can refer back to. This method and of course Pinterest are  great ways to store fantastic DIY gift ideas. DIY still requires dough.

Phase Two: Gift Etiquette



Use full disclosure. This applies to a few scenarios.

                 - Your loved ones usually give you something but this year might be tight for you.

It is perfectly acceptable to let them know early on that you wish you could reciprocate, but as you cannot a card (not gift card) is plenty. If they give you a gift anyway, simply accept it graciously and say thank you.

 
                - Your values have changed as you've matured.

Maybe this is a good time to suggest everyone going in on some shared experience rather than a gift giving extravaganza. A family vacation perhaps. This one I have personally experienced as I watched my kids give unused toys to Good Will year after year. I politely asked my friends and family to stop buying them things and instead either purchase tickets to something or put money in their personal accounts to be used for activities like soccer or Cub Scouts- which I make sure to have the kids thank them for. The added bonus is that it really cut down on some of the clutter in my house too.



Your list has gotten out of hand. It happens. My former husband was one of eight kids and had fifteen nieces and nephews. Also, your friends keep getting married and spawning. It's great. Your kids now have built in playmates while you're gossiping and sipping cocktails, but then Christmas rolls in and suddenly 12 new names have been added. And you started a new job in a fantastically close knit office... of 30 people.

Unless everyone is okay with their choice of Top Ramen with a bow on top, it becomes too big to accommodate. Enter Secret Santa or White Elephant. It depends on if the group prefers to be more thoughtful or cheeky, but either way it's a fun way to set a limit. I once received a great set of lawn aerating shoes via White Elephant, which I promptly re-gifted to someone who loved them. Killed two birds with one stone. Sorry I'm not sorry.

 For your closer circle, a family gift may be the way to go- still doing something above noodles, but keeping within reason.

If you still want to check everyone off the list do something token that you can get in bulk
(journals and calendars are great for this) or something homemade. I am a maven of DIY gifts. Personalized fleece blankets, Christmas ornaments, decorative cookie plates and so on. You can spend on effort and save on cash. Win, win.

Article Three: Kids and Gifts

I mentioned the grotesque ritual of watching the goon squad bag up gifts they'd barely played with to make room for the new. It actually used to fill me with a sense of dread, on Christmas, seeing the various things they'd receive and envisioning the bag, because along with the bag came a careless attitude about a conveyor belt world that constantly brings new things.

For the life of me I cannot figure out where the lack of values has come from. My kids have chores, hear the word "no" so often they can sing along, write "thank you'' and apology notes. I have been described as an old school parent- you know that old adage about fearing your Irish mother. But still this is a particularly ugly problem in my house.

So I devised some steps to build up their value system:

1. I asked my circle to stop feeding the beast, as mentioned above. I found that my kids and I love having their seasonal extracurriculars sponsored. I think we all appreciate it more and it makes it fun for my kids to update their benefactors with professional reports. Everyone feels included and valued.

2. I have a formula for giving gifts to my kids: one thing to play with, one thing to read, one thing to wear. This goes for wrapped presents on Christmas and birthdays now too. They still get a stocking of token items on Christmas morning (usually a Toblerone and jar of Nutella- see Christmas Part 3) and a movie on Christmas Eve per our ritual (tune back in for Christmas Part 4).

3. Scale back Santa. The big gift comes from Mom, the back up singers come from Santa. My kids go to a richly diverse school- quite a few of their friends are lower income. It is hard to explain to little kids why Santa gave one kid an Xbox and their classmate a ball and paddle. Giving your kids a nice gift is fine- but it should come from you. Additionally, Santa's gift figures in with rule #2.

4. Giving is more important than receiving. When I was in second grade I remember being invited to my friend's birthday party and I didn't know what to get for her... and my parents wouldn't help me pick. I whined and complained for a while and my mom finally told me to pick out something I'd want to receive. Back then it was Treasure Trolls.

I was so excited to buy one, but then I had to give it away. That was a new kind of masochistic torture in my formative years, but my friend loved the gift. I never forgot that lesson. And I still love trolls.

The point is my kids have to give presents to other people, not simply receive. In that vein they:

     - pick out a toy each for Toys for Tots, that comes with a long discussion about how fortunate we are to be able to give to others.

     - pick from a preapproved/prepurchased selection for something to give to each other and me- it helps them get excited about seeing someone else receiving the fruit of their efforts

     - hand-make bookmarks or ornaments or something of that nature for their own Christmas gift giving list. They receive a lot of presents from our circle and it is important that they reciprocate. If they don't make a craft, they at least decorate a handmade, personal thank you note for the items they've been given.



With enough planning and patience it's easy to walk the delicate line between excitement and order. Now that  I have seen Oz and become the wizard, knowing where the magic comes from  doesn't make it any less magical.

As the big day gets closer I thought this was the most practical foot to start on. But for the rest of the month I will be dissecting the components of an epic Christmas.

Please keep an eye out for:
Christmas Part 2: Getting in the Spirit. I will go through crafts, decorations and playlist.
Christmas Part 3: The Flavor of Christmas. I will share some of my favorite holiday meals and recipes
Christmas Part 4: Traditions and Rituals- pretty self explanatory.